My Morning Glory Wednesday, Jun 29 2011 

Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , , , missumerica 11:06 am


I took a break from writing yesterday because I have something going on with my hands. It was a FIRE going on yesterday and water and ice wasn’t going to help. Remember that 80’s Hair Band, The Cult? They sang that song Fire Woman. In my mind, I have a little cult following of my own that checks out what I have to say on the blog, so I’ll charge ahead while I hum that God-awful-yet-super-catchy-flashback song in my head. I may have already listened to it on Youtube this morning too. Call me FIRE WOMAN now, OK?

These wrist guards seem to be helping the pain but not my self-esteem. They are for old people I think, yet the cute girl on the front of the box looks happy. And young. And she has nice skin. So I’m going to ignore the mirror sitting next to me on my vanity/writing desk and pretend that I look like THAT girl without frizzy hair and reading glasses in all my morning glory.

I think it’s ironic that my “birthday flower” is supposed to be a Morning Glory. Check this out that I found on www.babiesonline.com when I Googled the flower:

As its name insinuates, the Morning Glory is a flower that blooms in the morning hours. However, by the time the sun has fallen, the flower has died. Each morning will give birth to a brand new flower on the plant. Because they bloom in the morning, they are often pollinated by hummingbirds, bees, butterflies and other daytime birds and insects.

Many species of Morning Glory have seeds that contain LSA which is a drug that is up to 10% as potent as LSD. To discourage the growing of Morning Glory specifically for drugs, some cultivators are treating the seeds before they sell them with a chemical that can not be washed off and will cause vomiting and sickness if ingested.

In Japan the Morning Glory is known as asagao, asa “morning” and kao “face”. In China it has been used for medicinal purposes as a powerful laxative. During the Edo Period it because a popular decorative flower. It is often used next to walls as it will grow as a vine, blocking out some of the heat and lowering air conditioning bills in the summer.

Fun and interesting fact: By soaking the flowers from the Morning Glory in water for a couple of weeks you can create a mildly alcoholic wine with a good flavor and mild psychedelic effect. You can add herbs or honey to this to enhance the flavor.

OK, look. That description there talks about this beautiful flower and its “morning face.” It dies at night and you can use it to make wine. Total OPPOSITE of me. I was born three weeks early, so I’m not alot like my zodiac sign either, but I in fact come to LIFE at night sometimes with the HELP of wine. I am flat ugly in the morning too, so my face is not beautiful when I rise with the sun/son. My kids have asked me when I’ve had to go to school for meetings and such to NOT look how I look in the morning for drop off. Whatever. I threatened once to walk them to class HAND IN HAND smiling if they didn’t get things into gear and get out the door in time. The seeds of that plant can be CULTivated to make some sort of LSD type drug though. Maybe I AM like that flower and my kids are like my seeds and that explains why people think WE are on drugs occasionally. And what about that “laxative” part?? People have indeed told me that they “lose their $!!+” sometimes when I get going on something. Hmmmm…

So I did a little more research and here’s what Wikipedia said:

Most morning glory flowers perk up and harden during the early morning and are often fully erect, thus their name. The flowers usually start to fade a couple of hours before the “petals” start showing visible curling. They prefer full exposure throughout the day and mesic soils. Some morning glories, such as Ipomoea muricata, are night blooming flowers.

Get past that “erect” stuff and quit giggling because looky there! There is ACTUALLY a type of morning glory that blooms and comes to life at night just like me! Not all of the pretty flowers are the same. There are different varieties and mine is just not as common. Of course it’s not! I wear a set of HOT little reading glasses when I read/write because they are tiger-striped and make me look younger than bifocals which I actually think I need now, but I may just bedazzle these little wrist guards to guard against the aging effects I’m facing now. Brace yourselves people at The WalMarts! I’m coming out in all my glory! (more…)

 

Guys and Their Trucks Monday, Jun 27 2011 

Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , missumerica 10:50 am


I woke up this morning with BURNING PAIN in my hands. I think I’m going to have to face the fact that I have arthritis. There. I said it. And my first thought was, “How am I going to write today? I’ve gotten on a roll here, and doubt I can even sit down at the computer much less type out my thoughts on my iPhone which is primarily where I take notes.” Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?! I just got going here, found a gift that I want to share, and have now gotten to where it HURTS to share it. I think if I were in a self-conscious or insecure stage right now, I’d take it as a sign, and y’all KNOW how big I am on signs now. I’ve gotten to where I don’t really force things anymore. I don’t look for the signs, because when I actually look for them, I miss what’s right in front of me. I guess, just thinking out loud here, that PERHAPS my sisters may be a little right about me being obsessed with my blog? Nah! Not me. Not ever. I just need to quit typing everything on a teeny tiny keyboard because it’s screwing up my mojo. I am not getting older either. This hand cramping thing is just a sign that drugs are good and I’m gonna get some. That’s all it is. Because I’m writing a book here, and the blog is just a teeny tiny portion of what I write every day. I’m living a dream, literally, and I’m documenting it as I go. And I’ll SIGN my book of SIGNS for the sisters when it gets published.

Before our big New Kids On The Block concert, we passed a giant truck just a few BLOCKS from my sister’s house. It said “Viva la Waffle.” I was SOOO wanting to jump out and take a picture in front of this cool truck/bus parked in the middle of a residential neighborhood, but my sisters wouldn’t let me because they thought I’d put it on my blog. There were cars behind us anyway. It stuck in my mind though. The BIG waffle truck. And it rolled right back through my mind later when my sister actually googled it and found that it is a new business that some guy is starting. Very cool, Man! I dig it! Viva la Waffle and viva the dream. I am going to live my dream too, and when I have my big book release party, YOU GUYS are gonna cater it for sure! I don’t know these guys from Adam – never met them. But I like their site and I’m pretty sure I’d like their story, too. Check ’em out.

http://vivalawaffle.com/

Yesterday when I was leaving my sister’s house in my dad’s truck, I was contemplating guys. And their trucks. And why they like them so much. Around here, I would say most guys drive trucks. Some are flashy, big, and expensive, and they serve as a sort of status symbol. Others are simply workhorses that aren’t really pretty to look at and may have lots of miles on them, but they get the job done. The trucks are often like the guys who drive them, huh? I remember one time in college going to a bar and dancing with a REAL cowboy. Here was his line, “You know that big white truck outside with the pink and blue pinstripes? Well, That’s mine.” And he grinned. “Um. OK,” I said. “Have fun with that,” I thought. And went back to my girlfriends. I think the line was supposed to impress me when his line dancing didn’t, and perhaps for some girls, it might. Not this chick though. Dude was BRAGGING about a pink and blue striped truck which sounded to me like something a hillbilly stork would use to deliver babies in some animated country bumpkin movie. Thanks anyway. NO babies, and NO guys with pink & blue trucks for me.

As I was stopped at a stoplight, still pondering GUYS and TRUCKS, you would not EVEN believe what passed by. (Maybe you would after hearing my bunny and Miracle stories though.) I was idling next to a funeral home and a guy walked into the street to stop traffic and THIS is what passed: (more…)