I took a break from writing yesterday because I have something going on with my hands. It was a FIRE going on yesterday and water and ice wasn’t going to help. Remember that 80’s Hair Band, The Cult? They sang that song Fire Woman. In my mind, I have a little cult following of my own that checks out what I have to say on the blog, so I’ll charge ahead while I hum that God-awful-yet-super-catchy-flashback song in my head. I may have already listened to it on Youtube this morning too. Call me FIRE WOMAN now, OK?

These wrist guards seem to be helping the pain but not my self-esteem. They are for old people I think, yet the cute girl on the front of the box looks happy. And young. And she has nice skin. So I’m going to ignore the mirror sitting next to me on my vanity/writing desk and pretend that I look like THAT girl without frizzy hair and reading glasses in all my morning glory.

I think it’s ironic that my “birthday flower” is supposed to be a Morning Glory. Check this out that I found on www.babiesonline.com when I Googled the flower:

As its name insinuates, the Morning Glory is a flower that blooms in the morning hours. However, by the time the sun has fallen, the flower has died. Each morning will give birth to a brand new flower on the plant. Because they bloom in the morning, they are often pollinated by hummingbirds, bees, butterflies and other daytime birds and insects.

Many species of Morning Glory have seeds that contain LSA which is a drug that is up to 10% as potent as LSD. To discourage the growing of Morning Glory specifically for drugs, some cultivators are treating the seeds before they sell them with a chemical that can not be washed off and will cause vomiting and sickness if ingested.

In Japan the Morning Glory is known as asagao, asa “morning” and kao “face”. In China it has been used for medicinal purposes as a powerful laxative. During the Edo Period it because a popular decorative flower. It is often used next to walls as it will grow as a vine, blocking out some of the heat and lowering air conditioning bills in the summer.

Fun and interesting fact: By soaking the flowers from the Morning Glory in water for a couple of weeks you can create a mildly alcoholic wine with a good flavor and mild psychedelic effect. You can add herbs or honey to this to enhance the flavor.

OK, look. That description there talks about this beautiful flower and its “morning face.” It dies at night and you can use it to make wine. Total OPPOSITE of me. I was born three weeks early, so I’m not alot like my zodiac sign either, but I in fact come to LIFE at night sometimes with the HELP of wine. I am flat ugly in the morning too, so my face is not beautiful when I rise with the sun/son. My kids have asked me when I’ve had to go to school for meetings and such to NOT look how I look in the morning for drop off. Whatever. I threatened once to walk them to class HAND IN HAND smiling if they didn’t get things into gear and get out the door in time. The seeds of that plant can be CULTivated to make some sort of LSD type drug though. Maybe I AM like that flower and my kids are like my seeds and that explains why people think WE are on drugs occasionally. And what about that “laxative” part?? People have indeed told me that they “lose their $!!+” sometimes when I get going on something. Hmmmm…

So I did a little more research and here’s what Wikipedia said:

Most morning glory flowers perk up and harden during the early morning and are often fully erect, thus their name. The flowers usually start to fade a couple of hours before the “petals” start showing visible curling. They prefer full exposure throughout the day and mesic soils. Some morning glories, such as Ipomoea muricata, are night blooming flowers.

Get past that “erect” stuff and quit giggling because looky there! There is ACTUALLY a type of morning glory that blooms and comes to life at night just like me! Not all of the pretty flowers are the same. There are different varieties and mine is just not as common. Of course it’s not! I wear a set of HOT little reading glasses when I read/write because they are tiger-striped and make me look younger than bifocals which I actually think I need now, but I may just bedazzle these little wrist guards to guard against the aging effects I’m facing now. Brace yourselves people at The WalMarts! I’m coming out in all my glory!

When people look in the mirror, how often do they lie to themselves? We are INDEED getting oldER. Not old. Just oldER. If we didn’t start to show the weathered effects of aging and begin to lose that dewy glow, then what we’d have would be a mask – not a face. How many people put that mask on every day with it’s painted-on smile? It’s totally appropriate at times, because trust me here – I DO NOT CONDONE the abandoning of all cosmetics! I’m just saying not to overdo it. Let your skin BREATHE and don’t put on such a THICK mask that it cracks when you smile. It’ll just make you look older. I promise. I see it at the store all the time and have to bite my tongue unless a customer asks, and even then you have to be VERY careful about what you say lest you offend someone’s delicate little petal-like feelings.

At our store, we sell every type of cosmetic, skin care and mirror imaginable. It’s pretty much all the same brand of course, but there is something for everyone. One of the things that we’ve noticed is that we sell A LOT of make-up and less of the skin care. Down South, we do have a more humid climate and so I believe it does wonders for the skin’s aging process, but it also says a lot about the Southern Girls I think. We put on our face every morning and say “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Ma’am” when we speak, and try politely not to offend anyone with anything unsavory. It’s polite, and it’s proper, and there is a reason why some of the “suggested selling” techniques don’t work around here. Something that would be helpful and honest and useful in a New York studio would go over like a ton of bricks down here and result in a tongue-lashing like you’ve never seen ending in everyone’s hearts being “blessed.” The mirrors we sell come in every size and fashion, and most are equipped with not one but TWO sides for when you want a wider angle (that’s not really the right word since no woman wants to look WIDE, but you know what I mean) and a magnified side for when you are ready and prepared to examine yourself close-up. Maybe we should take a little hint from the Northern ladies though and spend just a bit taking CARE of our skin and selves and not just cover up what’s really there. Still, the next time a poor sorry customer comes in and returns a mirror because she says, “It’s too strong,” we will nod and silently say, “I hear ya, Sister!” I don’t like to look at my weathered lines either. So we will continue to do things OUR way, with OUR customers, and our masks will be beautiful like the Mardi Gras masks we’re known for down here. And we’ll toast the other ladies in this krewe like Bacchus with wine made from all of our Morning Glory.