The Dynasty Friday, Jun 17 2011 


So this is what writers do, right? WRITE.

A new chapter in my life has started. I bet “real” writers have a desk instead of a make-up vanity which is what I use now to write. It works for me though, and I can’t complain. I moved into a little apartment with the kids and left behind quite a bit. What is here is CHERISHED.

This vanity belonged to my great grandmother – my father’s grandmother. It’s one of only two furnishings I took from my “old” bedroom. Times have changed and I sit here now on a laptop computer writing a BLOG. There are 3 words in that sentence that didn’t even exist when this was MaMaw’s. I wonder what she would have thought – of me, where I’ve been and where I intend to go. Would sitting down to write and publish your thoughts and actions to the rest of the world have been considered the epitomy of VANITY at that time? Perhaps. Maybe it still is. I do know this though; It’s time to do something for ME. Label it what you will. And put some glitter on that label too. I’m feelin’ kinda sparkly now, so let’s keep it real.

I never put the old mirror that attaches onto MaMaw’s table back at the “old” house. It blocked my window, so I left it off. The symbolism THERE isn’t missed. I had a window to look out and see all that was going on around me yet left off the mirror – the window into my soul. I KNOW!!! I’m pretty freakin’ deep, RIGHT?!? It would’ve been warped anyway. That glass is old and the way I was seeing things was distorted as well. That mirror still sits in my closet back at the house. Look out world! I’m dusting it off and bringing it out. “I’M coming OUT” I hum to myself.

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My Hail Mary Thursday, Jun 16 2011 


So tonight after softball, drive thru dinner, hurried bath & bed time routines, it came to me. And not just in any ordinary way… It came while I was singing the same song/prayer that I sing to my son every night of his life. All 5 years of it. Hail Mary. Even the name, Hail Mary, conjures up images for me of a last chance touch down. Throws into the end zone hoping for a pass that gets you somewhere. Is that the right terminology?? Maybe this is it for me.

As the prayer goes, Hail Mary, full of grace, the Looooord is with YOU, Blessed art thou among WOMEN, HONEY!! Did you put your deoderant on?!?, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. WAIT… is THAT how it goes?? Was I so distracted that I actually screamed that across the house mid-prayer/song??? YES!!! Maybe that means I’m going to Hell. With a capital H. Because I’m supposed to be focused and the perfect mom, right? Who knows, really. What I do know is this: I’m doing the best I can. I’m juggling the balls and I’m doing what I always thought was expected of me. But the big blue CONFUSED looking eyes laying in the bed in front of me are expecting something. Something BIG after THAT. Alas, all I can do is put one foot – word – in front of the other and continue. So I finished it. The song that is. And then I carried on as normal until I couldn’t toss or turn in bed anymore. Then I sat down to write MY Hail Mary. The big throw. My hopes at a touchdown in life. And here it is.

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