This morning you’ll never guess what I was doing. Sitting on the balcony drinking coffee!! (You saw that one coming, didn’t ya?) And you know what I saw?… An OPOSSUM!!! Now I KNOW you didn’t see that one coming! And you know what else I did? That’s RIGHT!!! I got a video, of course. And in it, you can see the beast moving around scavenging. (or whatever opossums do) While I was shooting, (NOT Ellie Mae Clampett-style mind you. I was shooting with my iPhone, OK?) I heard the sirens in the background from a police car and that got me going on the whole Law & Order thing from yesterday. (The show AND God’s natural law and order of things) Let me present my case here:

I guess if the video isn’t working here, you can check back if you’re DYING to see what this creature looks like walking around. Someone’s going to have to explain to me why this video thing takes so long to process :-/

Oh Dear God. That thing is U-G-L-Y.!!! And it ain’t got no alibi. I can tell this even though I was far away and two flights up. From my little castle balcony it didn’t bother me tremendously to focus on it, but I’m thinking that would not be the same up close and personal. You know how when you have to clean up vomit? (Someone elses. Not your own. Actually, I’ve never had to clean up my own so I guess I wouldn’t really know now would I? I’ve always just flushed it down. OK. FOCUS HERE!! Back to the story) Vomit. When you clean it up, you do so out of your peripheral vision so that the mere sight of it doesn’t induce vomiting yourself thereby setting off a chain reaction that would rival the big blueberry pie scene in Stand By Me. Imagine it! The smell alone could set things off, and I’m thinking that the varmint out in the grass stinks to high heaven too. Like barf. Well, nobody really likes to look their problems straight on either do they? Sometimes they are ugly, and we’re scared of what’s going to happen if we do. What kind of chain reaction could follow? So we sweep them up, and sometimes under the rug, quickly and without REALLY looking at them.

I’ll bet that opossums are scavengers. They probably walk around taking whatever they can find to eat from other people, places, & things like that viral honeybadger from Youtube. I know this because my mom had a little family of them living under her car port for awhile scarfing down all the cat food she left out for the cat. When you’d walk up to them, they’d totally… wait for it… play opossum and act dead like you couldn’t see them or anything. If you’d go up to the MAMA though she’d actually hiss. A friend of mine found one in her laundry room one time HISSING and she decided to just buy new clothes rather than chase the thing out of there. They are mean, I tell ya. I know this is not very PC of me, but I’m happier to see them when they are dead on the street roadkill style. Hey, that reminds me! I totally participated in a Facebook SCAVENGER hunt last summer and had to document my find with pictures. I ACTUALLY have a picture of me with a dead opossum. And in it, I’m wearing a Fleur de Lis necklace like my page logo! SEE!! It was foreshadowing for this very day’s blog post!

I don’t really dig opossums. They take things from others. I guess that means that I don’t like people who are like opossums either. You know those people who go around trying to steal your thunder and suck the life out of you? The Opossum People. I’m not going to hang around with those types. I’ve just made my decision and cemented it. Those people are no longer my problem. They are Other People’s Problems (O.P.P.) and are for the birds. I guess I would also say then that I am NOT Down With O.P.P. or OPPossums. I rest my case.